Share
National Coming Out Day was first celebrated on 11 October 1988 in the USA, marking the one-year anniversary of the 1987 March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. The day was chosen to honour the bravery of the LGBTQ+ individuals who decided to come out and live openly. Although it started off as an American awareness day, it has spread globally.
Coming out is a unique experience for every LGBTQ+ person. It is not a one-off event, but something that will happen many times for people, from close friends and family to correcting assumptions with casual acquaintances. For some, this isn’t a big deal, for others it is a massive challenge coupled with the fear of facing discrimination, bullying, judgment and/or harassment.
Sharing these stories and talking about experiences of coming out really help the community, as well as those who haven’t yet shared their story. It is also a day for people to celebrate being true to themselves.
At Kennedys we believe in the power of storytelling. Sharing stories is a powerful way to highlight the experiences of our LGBTQ+ colleagues and increase understanding and allyship. In this interview, Alex Ruaux (UK), Ash Daniells (UK) and Justin Perry (US) share their thoughts and experiences of coming out and why this day is so important.
Why is International Coming Out Day still so important in 2025?
Justin: It is important because it's still not easy. Coming out still carries real risk socially and professionally for many people. It also allows celebrations whilst acknowledging it is sadly still not safe for everyone to do so.
Alex: It is becoming more important. We are seeing and feeling the pushback on our community. It is similar to Pride in that in that it is important for people to know there are others supporting them in the background.
Ash: It feels (at least in the UK) that we know people are increasingly comfortable in being open and honest much earlier. This is helped by parents saying things like “when you grow up and you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend”. However, this doesn't mean you will never come out. For example, I was recently at a conference and mentioned my son - but quickly followed up by dropping my husband's name into the conversation. I wanted to avoid any awkwardness if “wife” or “mum" were mentioned. To be clear, this never bothers me, but can cause the other person to feel awkward. Hence, you never just come out once
Can you share some of your coming-out story?
Alex: I knew I was gay from a young age. I went to a single sex school, but didn't quite know where I stood. When I was in year 10 (age 14/15) I started to tell a few friends. Someone I wasn't friends with found out and told everyone. However, this ended up meaning I had a lot of support from staff and people in other year groups. My family were great, including my 100 year old Grandma who responded with “It's about time you told me!”.
When I first started working in law, I didn't come out at work. However since then I have felt comfortable and have been welcomed in doing so.
Justin: My story began in high school. Around sophomore year (age 15/16) I developed a strong group of friends who showed me what true friendship really looked like. Finding them meant I felt I had the ability to share that piece of me for the first time. I was very fortunate to be embraced by them, which meant I could find myself throughout high school.
Ash: I honestly didn't believe I would come out. I expected to marry a woman and live a lie (which sounds very dramatic). I wanted children, and I didn't think that as a gay man, I would ever be able to have them. One day, I remember my mum criticising my nan, and she made a comment like, “I could never tell her anything growing up”. It was a lightbulb moment for me - I could tell my mum anything, so why wasn't I? I sat her down and said, “I need to tell you something, please don't interrupt me”, followed by “I think I am gay”. There was no “think”, but I thought it would soften the blow.
If someone is reading this and hasn't yet come out, what advice would you give them?
Alex: Coming out can feel scary, as you don't know how people will react. You need to feel comfortable doing so. Remember, you can do this steadily, one person at a time. I believe you are better off being you and out than not. Hiding yourself will do more damage in the long run.
Ash: It is not particularly deep, but maybe don't sit your mum down and talk to her like you are dying. My husband actually came out to his family by saying, “I am bringing my boyfriend around on Sunday to meet you”, and it was such a nice, casual way of saying things. You will also feel a weight has been lifted that you didn't realise was with you. I felt lighter and free.
Justin: My advice would be that it is a journey, not a race. Focus on building a circle of trust - friends/family/ chosen family, who you can speak to when you are ready. You don't owe anyone your story until you feel safe, ready and supported to tell it. And remember, identity is valid even if you haven't spoken it out loud. When you are ready, there is a vast supportive community waiting to embrace you.
For someone who hasn't had to come out (this may be someone who is heterosexual), what would you like them to know about coming out?
Ash: It isn't a one-time thing. You might not think it is a big deal, but it is a big thing for many people. Incorrect assumptions will be made about the LGBTQ+ community that won't be made about you. Which is why it is often important for members of the community to be open about themselves and avoid any awkwardness.
Justin: It is not one single moment but something you do every day. You often have to quickly be vulnerable in a way others don't have to be.
Alex: If you haven't had to do this, it is scary. It shouldn't matter, but it does. If you haven't had to come out, you haven't had to stand up and state who you are in this way.
What more can we all do to support the LGBTQ+ community?
Ash: Be open and supportive. Small acts of inclusion, such as asking if someone has a partner rather than a husband or wife, can be hugely inclusive. Continue to be a supportive ally and call out any discrimination you see.
Alex: Simply not being judgmental and realising you don't know what is happening in people's lives. We need people to simply be there, be allies and know we need to live our lives without fear. This is particularly important for our Trans community at the moment.
Justin: Be open to educating yourself. Use inclusive language, it is small but a big step. Be outspoken in challenging stereotypes. Encourage LGBTQ+ voices to be heard and part of conversations. Show visible support, such as going to events and know all these actions add up.
Finally how do networks like Rainbow help (Rainbow is Kennedys LGBTQ+ staff network)?
Justin: They are crucial. Knowing Kennedys had a Rainbow network let me know I was safe and that I would show up authentically and be safe and supported.
Ash: It shows that Kennedys takes inclusion seriously, provides a safe space and makes people feel included.
Alex: It is vital to show staff that they are supported and welcome. It also allows the Firm to extend outwards and show our commitment to the wider community, e.g. with Link.
Find out more about the Rainbow network and DE&I at Kennedys.